i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
