I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
