You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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