Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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