Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
