I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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