Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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