Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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