I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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