I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
