I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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