So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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