where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize