i don't like sucking hair
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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