yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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