I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
