I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
