what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
