somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
