I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
