nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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