just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
