yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
