Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
