Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
