I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize