We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize