Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
