I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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