Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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