So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize