I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
