What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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