For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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