I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently you make a good broom.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
