I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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