Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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