Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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