I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
