I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
