grandma shit on top of the toilet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
