I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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