what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
