Need sex. Gaining weight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
