My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
