Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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