I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
