you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
