I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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