I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
