Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
