Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my shit smells like andre
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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