i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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