sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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