i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize