i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
