please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
