My liver just broke up with me...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's not a walk of shame if you run
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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