i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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