I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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