k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
