I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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