hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
