Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
