I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
