why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
